It's Been a While (Fyrann)

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden had been gone for a while, working on his skills. He was returning home for a short time to visit his son. Ayden had moved out of the home that Fyrann and him shared and into a one bedroom apartment. Amice had helped by moving all of his stuff for him while he was gone. Ayden was quiet and very serious looking. He set down his bag at the door, before going to put his guns away in the locked safe. Once that was done he looked around the quiet apartment. He had gotten so used to living with Fyrann and Rilaran that the quiet apartment felt empty. He had to leave it right away.

Ayden headed out the door and went as far as he could before deciding it was time to go see Fyrann and Rilaran, to let them know he was in town. Ayden wasn't sure what he was going to do say, he had no excuse for the complete dick he had been by just leaving, breaking up with Fyrann and leaving in the middle of the night, but Ayden did what he thought was best for Fyrann. He had bandages from the harm he had gotten during his travels though it was hard to tell what they were from, some from swords, some from guns, some from knives. Others from scrapping and fist fights, but he didn't want Fyrann to know everything he had been up to. Ayden had more muscle but was still thin and small framed, chances are he always would be, he was a creature of lean muscle. He had on a white short sleeved t-shirt, black slacks, and boots. His and Fyrann's dog tags were around his neck underneath his shirt.

Ayden knocked on the door, not feeling right just walking in, even though he had a key. He didn't know what he was going to say, he didn't even know what he was thinking other than he needed to see the two people most important in his life.

Kakeru had just left a message on Fyrann's phone letting him know that Ayden would be by soon.

[Fyrann Truax]

Ever since the doctor had left Fyrann, the man had tried to keep himself busy. He had spent half his time at work not keeping in touch with Amice or coworkers more than he had to for the most part this meant keeping to himself; the remainder of his days were spent being a father to Rilaran. Sleepless nights were common place for the former soldier. At times he'd wake up in cold sweats only to be harshly reminded that there was an empty spot in the bed that his lover used to be in.

At least he had thought it was love. Rolling the comforter off himself his mind repeated the words he never got to say but that Ayden secretly knew. 'It's not you, it's me. I rushed this whole thing, and I deeply apologize...but I don't love you like everyone thinks I do'. Losing Benjamin had been the hardest part of his life and all Fyrann desired was to fill that emptiness that crept into his heart, the pain that never ceased and festered from self-inflicted guilt. Ben's death was never his fault but something in him couldn't let that go so easily. He still loved the man like the alcohol he consumed. As Truax forced himself out into the hallway and subsequently the bathroom he thoughtlessly turned on the sink to wash his face. 'Am I happy with myself having lost him? If I don't love him...then why does this breakup hurt so bloody much??. The water didn't do a whole lot other than help the half groggy male awaken slightly more. Eyes still bloodshot from crying were now veiled by his stoic façade. It was the one thing that pushed him through times like this and staring into the mirror the soldier could only think of how disappointed his father would have been. Abandoning the righteous cause under White Rabbit's banner to stem back the evil that lurked out from Brightblood, his failure to uphold a promise, not to mention the sex he had with multiple men. In the eyes of his family he could be casted out for them...though technically he was the sole survivor of his bloodline. Though being a noble descendant of a royal bloodline only made his pride burn that much more at the idea of his failure to upkeep family reputation.

A long sigh escaped his lips while he dried his face and returned to the bedroom. Fetching his attire for the day he was able to slide on an old but nicely kept black shirt before the pitter patter of feet coming towards him had caught his focus. Rilaran was standing at the doorframe with a sippy cup in hand, looking to his dad for a refill. "Morning Rilaran, you been practicing that latch on the crib?". The toddler looked over with wonderous eyes as Fyrann pulled up green camouflage khakis, forgoing shoes. The gunslinger scooped up his son into his arms and walked down into the kitchen prepping breakfast mainly for Rilaran.

It wasn't long until a knock sounded at the door, and both sets of eyes directed towards it. Suspicion crossed the soldier's features, but the tenseness realxed when he noted the new message from Kakeru on his personal cellphone. Placing his son down, Truax neared the door and opened it. His face didn't expect to see Ayden--perhaps he should have listened to the voicemail.

"....Ayden? Did you forget something?". Not as bad a conversation starter as some previous ones he had to admit. It didn't make the situation any less awkward however.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden stares at Fyrann for a moment, not sure of what to say, his heart was stopped in his chest for a while, before he smiles sadly and shakes his head. "Uh... no didn't forget anything... uh... I should have called, but I... well I um dropped my phone into a river... on accident." He says playing with his fingers. He looks toward the street. "I... um... I can come back later... this was maybe not the best... time. I'm sorry." Ayden says tripping over his own words. "I... I can come back later to see you and Rilaran." He says.

[Fyrann Truax]

The lengthy pause became awkward as Ayden's sparkling green eyes caught Fyrann's attention in the morning light. Like two youngsters in grade school, the human's gaze dodged to the next available target out of embarrassment, thought the near stoic expression would have fooled just about anyone. The 'fascinating' target was none other than the mailbox that lingered towards the curb just passed his front lawn.

Truax listened to the other prophet's excuse with mild interest as thoughts of how he was going to reply cycled through his mind. None of them seemed right. He had two options at best and here he was in a bind with how to proceed. Ayden had informally brushed him off, but they still hovered at a level that meant they were...friends? Yes, that must have been it. 'That would make as good of a reason as any', he mused, and for a brief second he let his focus glance to the floor, expression filled brown eyes seeking some form of guidance from a greater power. "No". His voice was stern and sudden. Shaking his tired head he went to elaborate in order to gloss over his gruffness with a calmer tone. "Come in..", he began as his chiseled form pulled away and to the side. "Make yourself at home...I was about to start breakfast". It was a half lie he mentioned and treated Magic's prophet almost like he was a guest, the cold-shoulder treatment most people got upon meeting the soldier for the first time was being exuded here though the man didn't mean for it to.

Heading back for the kitchen area he motioned to the sitting arrangement; it hadn't changed the least in the time Ayden had been gone. Mindlessly and with an exhausted shadow casting over his features he continued to toil with the teapot he had set on the stove. Rilaran had scuttled into the room with an excited squeal at his second father's appearance, nearly toppling over just to greet the doctor. "Would...you fancy joining us for breakfast?". Gods knew not why that simple question was so hard to ask, and it seemed to take every part of Fyrann pushing himself to be social in order to inquire that. The man's stubbornness was showing, clearly obvious that he hadn't involved himself in much people interactions lately.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden was just as awkward as Fyrann was at the moment his own eyes dodging Fyrann's. He crosses his arms over the lower part of his chest holding his own elbows, the doctor was doing his best to hold himself together. When Fyrann said 'no' it jolted the doctor for a moment, thinking he wasn't being allowed into the house, but then Fyrann told him to come in. He walks in looking at the floor, the way Fyrann was treating him was harsh and cold. Ayden wasn't sure how long he could handle it for. He nods and takes a seat, he looked around the kitchen and coughed, nothing had changed, with the exception that Ayden no longer lived here. He then saw, but mostly heard Rilaran. He smiles and leans down lifting his son as he got close. "Hey there Rilaran, how are you feeling?" He asks giving their son a kiss, he was trying his damnedest not to cry right now. "... Uh... Yeah I haven't eaten yet..." He managed to say. Ayden was peopled out, he wasn't good with people in general and that was all he had been doing. It was a lot easier for Ayden to deal with people when they were on his table. "I'm back for a week or so... I just finished sword training..." He says before booping little Rilaran on the nose.

[Fyrann Truax]

"Sword training...?", Fyrann muttered to himself as he was busying his mind with the process of making breakfast. The eggs were poached, toast was browning, and a mixture of sausage and bacon were frying in a separate pan. He took his attention off of it long enough to take out the warmed bottle from the microwave.

"Here you are", he mentioned to Rilaran as he held the formula milk out for the toddler to grab--quite easily it could have been Ayden he was talking to. Again his stare was oddly caught on the doctor. Clearing his throat he turned away, a slight frown to his brows when he turned back to the stove. The next couple of minutes fell silent unless Ayden mentioned something. Rilaran on the other hand seemed obvious to this couple's breakup and was overjoyed at being with his second father again, all smiles as he took to the bottle.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden rubs the bridge of his nose and watches as Rilaran grabs the bottle and curls up in his lap to drink it. Ayden looks down at this son. He didn't know what to do or say what was wrong or right in this instance. He had never had anything like what he had with Fyrann. His chest felt like it was going to cave in on itself. He pets Rilaran's hair. "I've missed you..." He let it trail off leaving an implied, 'both'. Ayden chokes for a moment, before looking up to Fyrann, "This is awkward at best..." He says looking down at the oblivious toddler. He loved Rilaran more than he could ever explain to anyone, and it was amazing. "What have you been working on recently?"

[Fyrann Truax]

The soldier had to quietly agree with Ayden mentioning the awkwardness of the situation. However, he proceeded to complete both plates of their breakfast and set the doctor's down first. Grabbing the tea pot he had filled with Earl Gray Fyrann had made a cup for both himself and Ayden before finally taking to his own seat across the table. "Rustling through some old files... searching for Orochi primarily. There's not much to go off of. Most of the information I've found is either blacked out or too ruined to make any use of". Casual meal conversation, check. He barely touched the food he made and then sat there for a minute wondering why he even bothered cooking for himself. "Other than that, just the normal rounds at work". That second sentence sounded the most awkward--in part due to Ayden leaving Fyrann half in charge of Cairo without letting the man choose.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden stares at his food as if it held the secrets to the universe. He hadn't eaten much since leaving, it was hard to tell how he was doing. Ayden tries to think of what to say, "I'm sorry..." he manages to get out holding back tears. He didn't want either Fyrann or Rilaran to see him cry. He holds the toddler as he enjoys his milk. "There have been times when you have needed to leave to clear your head, that is what I needed. I should have been more adult about it... but I didn't want either of us to say something we would regret later... and part of me didn't want to hear what you would say... afraid it would hurt too much... I can't ask for forgiveness, but may I ask for understanding?"

[Fyrann Truax]

"Understanding...". The word simply echoed from a tired man's lips and died in the conversation as such. Brown eyes changed course looking from his steaming cup of tea out into the living room which had no wall division separating it from the remainder of the house. It had been converted into an office space. Daylight shone through a grand divided window in dancing rays. Sammuel Demix, the former leader of Independents, was quite generous in leaving this mansion to the Doctor and Fyrann himself.

For a short duration the marksman trailed the flickering pattern of light produced at the window before returning his attention to his house guest. "...It was my fault". Guilt formed a tightness in his throat causing him to open his mouth though no words were spoken no matter how much he tried. His brain shut off as thoughts drowned into the abyss of depression he was gradually slipping into once more.

[Ayden Varden]

Rilaran looks from each of his parents confusion on his face before he runs off to go play in his playroom. When he is gone Ayden finally allows a few tears to fall down his face, "I love you Fyrann... I want.., you to love me... I don't know what I'm doing wrong... What... Could I have done differently?" He asks his voice breaking barely audible.

[Fyrann Truax]

Anger spiked in the man across from him. For what seemed the first time, at least around anyone other than himself, Fyrann slammed his fist onto the table. "Nothing. Absolutely...nothing. I lived a lie for the both of us...I lied to your face Ayden and didn't know it until you left. I used you...I used you because I couldn't face another day alone with my grief. Does that not anger you??". "God have mercy on me..." he murmured. He frowned and removed himself from the table trying to cool himself off now pacing on the wooden floor between the kitchen and the office.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden has to take a deep breath to think this through, was he angry that he had been used. He shook his head, "No... I want to be... I really want to be angry Fyrann... but I can't. I like you too much you mean too much to me." He says knowing that he couldn't change how Fyrann felt, he wanted to leave, to run, but that wasn't in who he was. When it came to physical fights, sure he would run, but emotional things he would force himself to sit through. He digs his finger into one of the fresher wounds on his arm to keep himself here, and not from wandering off anywhere. Ayden coughs and looks up at Fyrann, "So... that's it then... you never felt anything for me? Telling me you loved me... that meant... nothing...?"

[Fyrann Truax]

"I thought...I convinced myself that I loved you Ayden...for the longest time I believed it. I reached a point where I couldn't turn my back on you--that if I did it would have broken you". The former commando huffed out a sigh through his nose feeling like the worst man on the face of the planet right then. "But I guess... what does all that matter when I'm telling you of it now? I should have...". 'Left when I had the first chance', he thought mentally kicking himself. "I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I love you Ayden, but not how I thought I did". He was too caught up in a downward spiral to notice what the doctor had or hadn't been doing. Most of what was being said on his part was from him thinking aloud.

[Ayden Varden]

Ayden stands up, he looks at the door, he shakes his head and looks at Fyrann, "How... how do you love me? Please explain this to me? Because right now... I feel like shit... I feel like I can't fucking do anything right Fy... and you are right... it did break me... it broke me in the worst ways... but... it doesn't matter now." He says looking at the floor, "None of it... fucking matters now." He says sliding down to the floor. He presses into the wound harder trying to keep himself from going any further down into the pit of depression he was already in. "... I love you... I can't stop... so... maybe it would be better if I stayed... far... far away."